The Word of mAn[S]o0r

“Morning Jawaid, how are you this beautiful morning?” asked Shiraz, as he entered into the office. Jawaid was office assistant and could normally be seen hanging around the reception, when he was not running around fixing tea for someone.

The morning had turned out to be a truly breathtaking one. Heavy clouds, a light spinkle of rain every couple of minutes, and the smell of the spring flowers in full bloom added that extra zest to the air. Shiraz even managed to get dressed in enough time to fix himself some breakfast. Normally, he would be running out the door, grabbing something to eat only when he got in to work.

On the way, his phone beeped a much too familiar tune. “Ah great!” he thought! “Why dont bosses take a break when the weather’s good?” He decided not to answer that particular message right then, afterall, how important could it be if the boss sms’ed it, right?

The drive took a little over twenty minutes, all through which nature was at it’s finest glory. One of the best things of this city was watching the spring come in. The city administration made it a point to plant flowers along all major roads, and the little patches that they missed, mother nature filled in. Splashes of red, blue, purple and yellow filled the greenbelts on both sides of the road.

Even his fellow drivers seemed calmer than usual. No irritating, honking driver behind him. Yes, it was going to be a beautiful day today.

After greeting Jawaid, he made his way over to his cabin and booted up his computer. The office was still empty and he had a few quiet minutes of solitude before the rigorous routine of managing a team of marketing people began. Today, there were a couple of presentations due and he wanted to put in some final touches before emailing them to the boss.

The BOSS! That’s when he remembered the sms he’d conviniently forgotten to open in the morning. His earlier bravado vanishing, he quickly fished his mobile out of his pocket and brought up the message screen.

“Why dont I have the presentation with me yet?” read the tiny pixels on his phone. Jawaid let out a silent curse under his breath. This guy just did let go, always trying to keep on top of thing, taking credit and passing on the blame.

He fired up his presentation software, and gave it a quick go through. Good thing his team had put in a late night yesterday and finished making it. He’d be screwed otherwise. It looked good enough and he emailed it to his boss. “Whew! Another crisis resolved” he said to no one in particular. Atleast his boss wasn’t in at work yet, that’ll take some of the heat off.

The rest of the staff had started to trickle in and pretty soon the office was abuzz with the familiar sounds of the workplace. Phones ringing, people chatting, printers chirping away in the background. Just how much printing did they do in this place, he wondered!

He was just thinking on how much damage they must be contributing to the environment with all the wasted paper, when the alarm bells started ringing. “Thats odd, where have i heard these bells before?” he thought. Not quite placing the sounds with any distinct memory. He didn’t even know there were any bells in the vicinity. He walked up to the door of his office and peeked out. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, though the same look of bewilderment could be seen across the rest of the staff.

“Jawaid!” he called out, “Get that racket turned off will you!”. Jawaid stared back blankly at him, not really knowing what to do. “Jawaid!!” called out Shiraz a bit louder. Getting his attention, he motioned him to come towards his office. “Find out where this ringing is coming from and have someone turn it off!”

“Sir…” he began, “Not now Jawaid! first turn off the damn alarm!” Shiraz cut him off. “But sir…” he began again, “Jawaid, if you dont get that alarm turned off this instant, you’re fired!” roared Shiraz. The constant clanging was really getting to him now and his patience was wearing thin.

“Sir, fire…” poor Jawaid started before being interrupted the third time. “Yes! Fired!!!!!” screamed back Shiraz, and just then he smelt the rancid odour of smoke. “Something’s on fire!!” he exclaimed “Find it and put it out!!!” Shiraz instructed a shaken Jawaid.

“sir, fire, building…” the visibly rattled admin assistant mumbled out. “What is it! Out with it!” shouted Shiraz. “Sir, fire, the building is on fire”. “What!” mouthed back Shiraz. It was starting to make sense, those alarm bells sounded quite alike to a fire alarm. This time Jawaid pointed behind Shiraz, out the window. The flames were leaping up from below and half his window was already black with soot!

Shiraz turned around and froze!

He had never seen such a big fire burning before, and it shocked him. He couldn’t think of anything else except look at the window. By now, the wooden window frame had started turning black, and pretty soon the fire would enter.

Shiraz was grabbed by the shoulder and pulled back out into the corridor. The whole office seemed as if it had instantly filled with smoke. First, his eyes started burning, and then the coughing started. His mental faculties started shutting down. All he could do was cough.

“Why is this happening to me! It was such a beautiful day…” was all Shiraz could think about. He felt someone grab his hand and pull him. He tried wrestling his hand free, not wanting to leave his spot, but the hand kept pulling.

Shiraz gave up, and started following whoever was tugging at his arm. They rounded the corner towards the kitchen and suddenly the hand let go. “NO!!!!” panic overwhelmed Shiraz now. He wildly started grabbing the air, hoping to find the hand that had found him again. With each swipe, his condition grew worse. Panic engulfed him and he fell to his knees.

“This can’t be it! This can’t be how i go!”

He was having difficulty breathing now, his breaths was coming in short rasps and he could no longer take in a deep breath. “I’m so sorry!” he coughed out, not sure who would hear him. There were so many things he wish he could take back at that moment, things he had said in those angry moments, the people he had hurt.

Out of no where, a wet towel appeared in front of his mouth. A voice whispered in his ear, “hold this, it will make it easier to breath. can you walk?” Shiraz nodded and grabbed the wet towel. “Good, take my hand and dont let go” Shiraz wanted to cry at that moment. Even though he couldn’t see anything, he made a wild grab in front of him and caught a hand. He held on for dear life.

“Follow me” said the voice. Shiraz tried getting to his feet but immediately felt dizzy. The world felt like it would slip beneath his feet. He faltered for a bit before again going down on his knees.

“Are you ok?” said the voice… “ARE YOU OK?” Shiraz nodded, he wanted to say he was dizzy, but the words wouldn’t come out. “CAN YOU WALK?” he nodded his head side to side, “No,” he thought “i cant walk! this is the end for me”. “TRY TO GET UP! You’ll be okay, just hold on to my hand” the voice seemed so calm and in control, “GET UP” the voice gave him strength, he tried once more.

He got on his feet and took a couple of stumbling steps, holding on to the strangers hand for dear life. His dizziness stabilized a bit and he took a few more steps. Yes! he could walk! Relief washed over him. But he wasn’t out of danger yet.

The hand started pulling at him, through the cubicles towards the main door. The office hadn’t caught fire yet, only filled up with smoke. Even though Shiraz couldn’t see anything, he trusted the voice and followed it wherever it took.

They reached the main door of the office and stepped out. The smoke wasn’t any better there. The hand guided them towards the staircase and started going down. Shiraz faltered a bit on the stairs, almost fell over, but grabbed the railing with his other hand and steadied himself.

Getting out of the office had restored his confidence a bit, and he started to think a little. Still the hand guided him down the stairs, one staircase at a time.

Their office was on the fifth floor, and the fire had sparked up on the third. Even though proper fire exits didn’t exist in this part of the world yet, their building, thankfully, had two stair cases. One on each end of the floor. The fire had already engulfed one of them, but the other was still accessible.

Both of them quickly rushed down. As they crossed the third floor, Shiraz could see the raging fire on the other end of the floor. Fear gripped his heart once again and he froze just staring at it. He was terrified, but at the same time, mesmerized by the way the flames lept up, eating away anything which would burn. The fire was coming closer to the other end, with plently of wood panelling providing it the necessary fuel.

The hand pulled at him, “LETS GO!” he head. Shiraz was yanked back into reality and almost tripped on the next stair. Again, he held the barrister with his other hand, the wet towel being discarded somewhere in the floors above.

The both ran towards the exit of the building as soon as they reached the ground floor. Once past the exit, they ran past the crowd of people who had gathered to see the raging fire upstairs. It was nearly a hundred meters later that Shiraz slowed down and fell to the ground.

He was in shock, his mind refusing to process what had happened. It seemed so surreal now, like a dream. Yes! It was a dream! He would wake up from it and it would all be ok. How can there be a fire at his office. That kind of thing was unheard of!

Then his eyes took in the raging fire in his building’s third floor. Like on the staircase, he was again mesmerized by the flames. They seemed almost beautiful.

“Are you okay?” Shiraz looked up and saw a familiar face. He knew he’d seen the face before, but couldn’t quite place it. “You need to go to the hospital sir” said Jawaid looking down at his boss.

——

A couple of weeks ago, there was a flyer for a training course on dealing with fire emergencies organized at a local hotel, left at the reception, and it got Jawaid interested. He wanted to get away, and spend a day at a hotel, eating fine food and not fetch tea for anyone. So he had taken it upto Shiraz asking permission to attend. Shiraz was in the middle of a preparation meeting then and wanting to get rid of Jawaid, said yes and signed off on it.

——

“A third floor office caught fire in the commercial area today at 9:45 AM this morning.” read out the newscaster on the evening news that night “The fire destroyed everything on and above the third floor claiming the lives of 6 people while over 50 people suffered from smoke inhalation and were taken to the local hospital for treatment.” she shook her head for a bit before continuing on “And with that, we end our evening news broadcast, join us again at nine for another update of the important news of the day”.

I keep opening this page and start staring…

watching the blank screen taunting me…

till i move away to do something else…

these pages are destined to be blank it seems.

So after a long time, i finally went up the mountains again.

this time, it wasn’t abbotabad, or murree or any of the regular places. no way, this time.. it was kashmir! azad kashmir to be precise, and it was gorgeous!

it all stared off with an innocent suggestion, a weekend off from work and two road warriors in the same city. we left islambad on the 13th of feb with one intention in mind, to drive till we could drive no more.

and we couldn’t have chosen a better day. with a light sprinkling of rain since morning, we started off on our journey at 3, heading towards pindi-kahuta road to make our way towards rawalakot, our desitination for the night. and as was expected, we managed to get lost within hours of starting our journey.

we had to follow a mehfooz shaheed road towards kahuta, and somewhere missed a turn and ended up at his mazar. mehfooz shaheed was one of the nishan-e-haider recepients and is burried near islamabad. who knew!

anyway, after asking around and a couple other wrong turns, we finally ended up at the right bridge and headed towards kahuta. now i had read that this place was beautiful. the forests were well preserved and it was a dream driving through it, but when we actually got there, it was breath taking!

it’s one area where the timber mafia hasn’t yet gotten their greedy hands on, and it gives a very good view of what the mountainside would’ve actually looked like a couple of decades ago. too bad, it’s only just a little area.

we kept following the road upto azad pattan, where we crossed the bridge over the river which leads to kashmir. so far the road was good and we were still making good time in the daylight. but as with all good things, it had to change…

just as we had crossed the bridge, there was a roadblock. a trailor was coming down the mountain with a tractor loaded on top of it and because of the mud, slipped. the driver of the rig got spooked and refused to move the truck till the rain let up. there was a long trail of cars on both sides waiting to get past and it quickly turned bad.

after around half hour of talking and cajoling the driver, the people finally got him to move the truck and we got through. by this time, it was dark and we decided to stop by a roadside hotel for tea. i dont know whether that was a good move or a bad one. the owner of the hotel asked whether we were going up to rawalakot, and when he heard we were, immediately showed great concern.

he said there are landslides on the shorter route to rawalakot, especially in the rain, and his brother was caught in two days back and barely escaped with his life. he pleaded with us not to take that route, but go by the longer one instead. the difference, he said, was only about 2 hours, but the road would be clear and with no risk of landslides.

being new to the area and not really having any idea where we were, we decided to take his advice. at the prescribed fork in the road, we took the turning for the longer route and started our ascend towards the mountain top…

two hours later, we were still climbing up the mountainside! seriously, there wasn’t even a little dip or a straight road in between. the scene now was one of total darkness, there was hardly any other car on the road, the rain was pounding hard on the windshield, and we periodically went through thick clouds which would practically reduce visibility to within a few feet of the headlights.

when we started out on the trip, we wanted adventure.. and boy did we get it!

it took us another hour to reach rawalakot by that road, and we eventually completed our journey in six hours instead of three. but it was worth every second of it!

the hotel we stayed the night was unremarkable, nothing more than a barebones excuse for a living space. the only good thing was, there were no insects, which kind of made spending the night bearable.we settled in around midnight and slept right through till the morning.

the morning, however, brought with it, it’s own surprise. as we looked out the window, a sheet of white greeted us. out of the blue, it had snowed last night and we were looking out at the aftermath. it was absolutely beautiful! after 15 years, my dream of seeing real live snow was finally realized!

what a way to start off the 14th of feb!

after a quick breakfast, we climbed in the car and headed off to banjosa lake, which we were told was a tourist attraction. another 1.5 hour drive up the mountainside (now we know why kashmir’s known as paradise on earth! the upwards climb never stops!!) brought us to the lovely lake with the shoreline all covered in snow.

originally, we had planned to stay the night there, and hike around the lake, but the snow (which was now turning to slush) put a serious dent in our plans, so we just stopped over for some tea n refreshments, taking in the beautiful countryside and just relaxed.

at noon, we thought of what to do now. the hotel manager back in rawalakot had told us of another way back to pindi which goes up further and would take us through the backside of the valley. “the only problem is you’ll encounter a little patch of broken road, otherwise it’s a good route”. after debating for a couple of minutes, we decided to go on further and see where the road took us. little did we know, the little patch was actually 40 kilometers of absence of anything remotely resembling a road.

the next six hours were spent driving through dirt patches and some very poor excuses for roads will we reached the town of palindri. in between that, we did one of the best features of a roadtrip. we kept stopping where ever our hearts desired.

this one stop was especially breath taking. right where the other valley began we were going through a turn where the view was spectacular and we thought we’d stop for a bit. on the way, we had bought some oranges and this seemed like the perfect spot to devour them.

sitting on a stone, near the very top of a mountain, eating citrus fruit and not having either a destination nor a care in the world! now that is a vacation!

the only down point was that the road and the view after that point took a downwards turn and we didn’t have anything good to look at till we reached a waterfall near palindri. because it had rained n snowed, everyplace water could flow from, it was flowing, and we were treated to scene’s of beautiful waterfalls all through the journey.

near the last waterfall, there was a stream and a roadside hotel where we stopped for tea and cakes. as the tea was being prepared, we stepped down into the pool of water the waterfall cum stream had joined at, washed ourselves up, and just enjoyed the sounds of the water rushing past! it was so peaceful right there that i didn’t want to leave.

till, ofcourse, our tea was ready.

i realized i was hungry then, after i had gobbled down nearly four pieces of cake and still wanted more. no, i told myself, but grabbed another piece anyway.

our last stop on this journey was this hanging bridge on the river we had crossed to get into kashmir. it was constructed out of wood and steel cables and just wide enough to walk on. we got there and spent nearly an hour enjoying the water rushing past and the scene of the valleys at each side of us.

i guess not everyone was happy about our just standing there, because we got some very angry looks by a couple of local women who went past, annoyed baa’s by goats that were crossing, till finally a policeman came up to us and started inquiring. that’s when we decided to take our leave and make our way back.

and so brought the end to our near 24 hours of driving through the kashmir valley. we were tempted at that point to point the car up towards muzafarabad, but then left it for another day.

now that’s how you vacation!

has become somewhat like this…

What wonders has technology brought to us! Time to get back to the screen…

is that you double up in two..

i read this in a book yesterday, and it hasn’t left my mind since

things are racing through my mind at a 100 miles per second. one second i want write a blog post, the next i want to watch a movie, the third i’m contemplating the meaning of life and the fourth wondering how i’m gonna pull of a sales meeting. it’s pretty normal i guess, but the only thing is…

it’s infuriating!

eventually, i manage to get nothing done. multi-tasking i deduce, is not my forte.

lately, there’s been an edge in my voice, in my actions and even in my thoughts. i think it’s stress.. stress of not knowing what’s going to happen next and the stress of not being able to figure out what happened yesterday (no, nothing happened yesterday per se, i use the term more loosely). i’ve also discovered that i’m not good at handling stress at the moment… one of the things i need to work on.

lots of little sayings, from books, tv, and movies are making sense to me… hitting hard and right at home. while they’re not the preferred learning method, i’ve seen that if you can get the context out of them, it’s really very effective way to get points across.

also, story telling has started to become a new passion for me. both, the art and science of it. need to find ways to make it a part of who i am to become..

that’s it, exaggerated, generalized and plain pointless… that’s kind of what i feel like right now.

i am not feeling creative today…

after writing and deleting three drafts, i now give up.

maybe i’ll write more later…

they say certain things you are just guided towards. that an unseen force often plays a more vital role in a person’s life than we would like to believe…

a series of actions, some good and some bad, lead up to a decision and a consequence, and no matter how much i try to control the outcome, somethings just happen to be.

makes you wonder whether you really are in control of your life afterall? 

reading through a few things lately, i happened upon a narrative that starts off with how things are sometimes stated to be fate and that things happen for unknown reasons and we tend to eventually live by it. what’s remarkable (as in why i am recalling it here) is how that narrative then turned into the exact anti-thesis of the above argument, concluding that things do not happen for unknown reasons. the author pointed out that causality had much more a part to play in the happenings around us, that each action was the consequence of a finite set of prior actions and would serve as the basis for the up-coming ones. cause and effect, as simple as that.

how cold science makes the world look no? the author was commenting on chaos theory and that’s where he evetually took his narrative, though he lost me in the process…

so coming back to where my post is heading, before i loose you. 

it turns out, that i may possess a certain distinction afterall. for years, i didn’t want to accept it. it was something handed down via a seperate line, i wasn’t part of that lineage, so it couldn’t possibly be me. 

only, it turns out.. it is. 

and it’s awakening…

looks like i’m in for the ride of my life here! 

lost you yet???

reading through SK’s entry on a dirty room, this particular line caught my eye.

“he didn’t give me a chance of showing him this clean and organized side of me” … “but then..shouldn’t it have been a lifetime of chances?”… “What happened to ‘in sickness and in health. Till death do us part’?”

now that i think about it, i seriously wonder where did all my chances go? looking back, i think i didn’t give enough of them… or maybe didn’t receive enough of them. but whatever happened, i know one thing for sure… they weren’t enough.

and now, i keep giving even less to other people.

just yesterday, i found my mother giving advice to a cousin on rebuilding his broken engagement with the same girl. “if she realizes her mistake, then its no harm done” she said. in his case, the girl was at fault so the line makes sense. but in my case, if we did realize our mistakes… would it make the harm go away?

for years, i’ve been coming to grips with myself. trying to be comfortable with who i am and what i do. growing up, i was the subject of ridicule by a lot of people. whether it be because of my size or my tantrums or even my glasses. yes, i know that’s no excuse now, but it happened and it shaped me.

when coming to my own, these experiences, or rather, the consequence of these experiences would rear up their ugly head again and again. to this day, i feel threatened very easily. i have developed commitment issues both in my personal and professional life, and an irrational fear of confrontations. to top it off, i am shy by nature and it takes a lot of effort to open up to people.

these days when you meet me for the first couple of times, you wouldn’t even realize anything from the statement above as true. again and again, i’ve been told off when i claimed that infact, i’m an introvert. i meet people with zeal during meetups and get together, end up in the middle of whatever is going down and have long drawn out, even heated debates with people on various issues. i’ve also been known to be street fights and have scars to prove it.

it didn’t happen overnight. it took over a decade of practice to get right. to look past the fear which tormented me at every social gathering, at being face to face with a new person, or to accept the spotlight every once in a while. baby steps at first, a little move here, a little there…

but every now and again, things fall apart still as easily as a house of cards, and i’m back to square one.. the doubt creeps back in and i close back up in my shell… and that’s when most of my relationships come to an end…

nowadays though, they’re coming in far and few in between. these bouts of doubt and self-deprecating behavior. phases, my mom calls them, but now, they’re taking away more from me than i have to give. back when they were frequent, a lot of people, i still consider friends, just took in stride. ‘mansoor is in a phase’ they said. it hurt to hear, to be classified like that, but when the bouts subsided, i still had friends around. now, these are becoming more intense, and when i do come out of them, i find myself being more alone…

to date, i’ve lost more people than i can count on my fingers… friends, confidants and allys… years of friendships and understanding and love… all broken because they had had enough of the phases. so badly were the bonds cut that i wasn’t even given a chance to patch things up. “i’m much better off now mansoor than i ever was with you”. again and again, the same line repeated itself…

and so, my reservoir for second, third and fourth chances to people is also slowly reducing. it’s funny, because there was a time i believed that everyone should be given enough chances to do the right thing. afterall, even God gives us another chance to be good as long as we’re breathing. otherwise, there wouldn’t be so many people on earth anymore.

i know i can’t ever truly stop giving anyone else another chance to prove themselves, right or wrong. i don’t have that finality within me to give. yes, its reducing, but it’s still very much there… the question is, should i still expect it from others? or in other words, should i keep setting myself up for pain and misery whenever the next phase subsides? it’s better to come out alone, when you’re going in alone in the first place…

i’ll leave you with a video by the pussycat dolls, titled ‘i hate this part’, maybe this is what happens on the other side?

how does one decipher the going on’s in their own lives?

i’ve always been hounded with this question. for one thing, i’ve been very good at piecing together stuff going on in other people’s lives, that’s the easy part. but for everyone i’ve counselled (some willingly, some not), what seemed to be a simple and clear solution or path to me, was something they weren’t willing to accept.

and that lead me to think about the barriers we errect around ourselves. our history, experiences, interactions.. they all play a part in creating who we are today. and which is precisely why no two people can be the same. even twins…

but how much of that history do we even remember? how much do we care to remember?

in the last couple of months, i’ve uncovered some pretty nasty demons in my own past, thoughts and memories which were locked away in the dark recesses of my mind were suddenly uncovered… and it was an interesting experience to tell the least.

let me tell you how i got here. as i mentioned, there was a lot of counselling i’ve done over the years. it’s really interesting how much people will tell you if you listen. for one, i’ve always been more interested in learning how people became who they are, tracing their lives through the intricate web of experiences and figuring out their personalities, in short, understanding what makes them tick. it’s truly fascinating for me. (before you judge, people find sand fascinating too.. atleast i’m talking about people here :p)

anyway, so in the process of understanding people, i stumbled upon the process of reading them. given certain situations and how people deal with them, tell a lot about their life experiences. these couple of months, i decided to apply that on myself. figure out how i tick… or you could say, i started deciphering myself.

it’s been fun, when i think about myself in the third person, it’s actually liberating. i can think clearly and reconstruct the who i really am. the more i do that, delve into what makes me tick, the more i discover that even though i’ve lived this life, breathed through each and every moment of it.. there are so many things that are still a mystery.

now i’m getting a chance to understand my behavior in situations. why i act the way i do, why i react the way i do and why i dont. i’ve recalled certain experiences i wished i hadn’t, rediscovering why i put them away in the first place… but only liberated, since now i’m no longer a slave to them. it’s a hard process, but now i can choose to act in another manner..

that really leads me to think, just how much does a person know their own selves, let alone any other human being on this planet. i keep hearing about divorces and breakups and even murders based on the excuse “they couldn’t understand me” or something along those lines and i wonder….

another important, and i mean really important, thing i’ve learned with all this retrospection.. is that we need to keep up. the world is not the only thing which is changing way too fast, all of us in it are as well.

the person we meet, talk with or even live with our whole lives are not the same people they were a year ago, a month ago, or even a day ago. each one of us is continually evolving into something else, growing or  shrinking, opening up their personalities or closing down their hearts.. something or the other, but always changing…

when we freeze what we think of certain people, whether they be parents, kids, spouses or flings, that’s where the trouble starts. “you never used to be like this…” or “i thought you would always be the same way” are just some of the statements which indicate the mess we’re in. ofcourse we’re not the same person we were 10 years ago, 1 month ago or even 1 day ago!

we learned, we experienced and we grew. we felt pain and we retracted. we conjured up images of how we want things done and some of us actually got down and did it!

yes, we became different.

is it really fair to keep us binded to just what you thought we were? can’t you see, that in this stage of growth, we want you along too? can’t you allow us that? can’t you accept? can’t you adapt?

can’t you decipher us?

if not, then stop saying we’re not who  you thought we were… because you seriously had no idea who were were in the first place!

Image courtesy of fpsurgeon @ flickr

It’s been a reading holiday for me it seems! In addition to numerous blog posts that i regularly ‘consume’, i’ve managed to put away two books this holiday season as well, but that’s not what my post is about though.

A new blog i discovered yesterday was Remarkable Communication, written by Sonia Simone. The specific post which caught my attention was “The Complete Flake’s Guide to Getting Things Done“. Now, i realize that i have a somewhat acute case of Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) particularly when i’m not coding, but i never thought that there would be another way to classifify this behaviour.

Simone, very succintly, calls people like me ‘flakes’. but what are people like me?

“Are you smart and motivated and passionate, and have lots of cool things you’d like to get done, but somehow when it comes to doing them, you just . . . don’t?

Are you great at ideas but lousy at execution? Talk a good game but don’t get any results? Spend a lot of time thinking about where you want to go, but not much time actually moving your ass down the road that would take you there?”

Yup, that sounds like me. Wo hoo! i’m a flake! So i’m off to start a new way to getting things done (of which i did precious few today btw)… like writing a bit more! and getting a new theme on this place!