letting them know?
how right is it to let someone know the truth? especially if they’re going to be hurt by it?
on every TV show i see now, there’s someone saying the line “i think you should know…” and proceeds to tell them something which changes things around them. whether it be a girls best male friend telling her he loves her right before her wedding wows, or someone you invited to the dance telling you they lied to you, it’s all done on the pretense that the truth should be known.
i’ve grown up with the motto of keep things to yourself if you believe them to be detrimental to someone else, especially if they have to concern feelings. however, today i’m in a dilemma.
so i ask anyone whose reading this…
“is it wise to tell someone the truth that would, at best, ruin their day, and at worst permanently alter their state of mind, especially when they haven’t asked for it?”
December 3rd, 2008 at 1:38 am
If only things were so black and white, Mansoor. I, for one, am against dishonesty and lies – no matter what. But yes, I agree that at times, the truth can hurt the other. In such cases, it seems better to maintain silence. Or if it is crucial, to think of a way to make the blow as soft as possible, and maybe, offer support.
Incidentally, I wrote a blog post a couple of days back, on the same topic, only yesterday. Its called, Believe Me.
December 3rd, 2008 at 1:59 am
Obviously dude!
it would ruin the day, sound harsh but you know it;s important:)
December 3rd, 2008 at 11:01 am
saadia: first of all, welcome to my humble blog. secondly, if it were black and white, it wouldn’t be a dilemma now would it?
so basically you’re saying i should be holding my tongue? you see, the problem here is that even though telling this person what i want wouldn’t change anything, other than maybe upsetting her further… somethings, unfortunately, have been set in stone…
unaiza: i wish i could be as clear as that yaar! btw, didn’t know you still cruised around here
good to hear from you again !!
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Well Mansoor, i think u v to ask yourself what the implications would be for that person if he /she doesnt come to know about the truth. If there is a gain for that person in a certain situation, then let sleeping dogs lie. However, if the person is making a decision with a limited knowledge base and might end up making a wrong decision, then dont withhold the info. I feel taht state of minds arent ruined permenantly. A state of mind is a condition at a particulr time, it can change and it would get changed. However, wrong decisions cant be averted.
PS: your article made me all teary eyed. Having male prespective is rare.
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:40 pm
tanzilla: welcome back!! good to see you again and thank you for your valuable insight. the thing is, the decision has already been made and its consequences been suffered. now i’m contemplating on making the suffering known, if that makes any sense? it will have no impact on the initial decision nor make any headway into changing the outcome, infact, the only thing it would change is make me a little light hearted, but then that is also subjective at this point… hence my dilemma.
December 3rd, 2008 at 2:14 pm
Not really. I think whatever you decide, should help you clear your conscience. If staying mum about it, does that, then good. If coming out with the truth does that, then that’s what you should do. But you can try to soften the blow by showing support or asking a third person to help her deal with it.
I guess it is easier to say things in principle. I don’t know what the exact issue is, so you are the best judge. All the best.
December 3rd, 2008 at 8:38 pm
The truth may hurt right off the bat but in the end it always sets you free. What i wonder though is if you have waited till now to tel this person why let it out at all. I mea you obviously had a good reasn to wait?
December 3rd, 2008 at 10:25 pm
faisal: being driven by ego a good enough reason? for a long time, i wouldn’t call because my ego wouldn’t let me.. after that complacency got me.. and eventually guilt.
i wonder myself sometimes about that too you know…
December 3rd, 2008 at 11:16 pm
A nice blog; nice thoughts; keep it up! You look much younger in the pic as compared to the depth in your writing. How old are you?
December 4th, 2008 at 12:49 am
I see, and i understand. My experience with the fair sex..and i am assuming this has something to do with one of them is boiled down to a singular thing. If you feel something for one of them, its best you go right ahead and tell them… if you think there is a chance…but if you do not have one then best you keep your trap shut. Sometimes love is not about winning. Sometimes it takes a bigger man to let go.
December 4th, 2008 at 1:32 am
faisal: thanks man… there is no chance, that much i know…