after over a month of continuous travels, im finally settling back down to life in karachi. Maybe not for much longer, who knows, but atleast here for the foreseeable future.

Now that i have had time to think, i realized i have still not gotten over the shock of my dad almost leaving us… In the past few days since i’ve come back to the city, i’ve been eating like a madman! Heavy breakfast, lunch and dinner, which numerous snacks in between. I couldn’t figure out why i was so hungry, till i remembered the last time i was eating so much! Its my body’s natural reaction towards stress. Some people cant sleep, others get hyper and start shouting… i eat!

It was when i watched Greys Anatomy night before last that i finally realized i still hadn’t recovered from the dad shock. In an episode where Meredith Grey almost drowned, she had to be brought into the surgery wing of the hospital where she worked, with the top surgeons trying to revive her from the grip of hypothermia. All this while her boyfriend and friends stood outside, praying.. hoping.. crying.. and yet not wanting to believe this could happen. As the one hour twenty minute double episode played out in front of me on the screen, quite a different storyline was playing in front of my eyes. I was once again transported back to those two times, when mom called, and when the doc asked us to pray because they dont know what is going to happen, to the hallways of that hospital, the CCU and Angiography ward, holding on to mom trying to soothe her, when all i wanted was to breakdown too, it was all playing right back!

And it was in that instant that i realized, i really hadn’t gotten over the shock yet, that it hasn’t really had time to sink in…

Right now, i know i have to move on from the incident. God has been very kind and dad is still here. Nothing is lost, a lot of life yet to live out under their guidance.. but i cant seem to warp out that fear yet. I cant talk to my family about it obviously, since i have to be the support, the pillar and what not, its hard…

… but atleast now, i dont have to go through it alone. I have her, the goofy smile she brings to my face and the support she’s become for me. If nothing else, she’ll make sure i pull through… *drifting off to sweet sweet memories…..*